Reflections

She took no notice of the outside world floating around her. All attention was directed at the black markings on cream pages and the images they created in her mind. She was captivated. Her presence was no longer in the bleak coffee shop but in a lush green forest with tree’s towering above her trying to touch the heavens. They could have for all she knew. If she could climb high enough she didn’t doubt she could step off onto the tops of clouds and visit those who no longer lived. She would have tried except for the overwhelming fear of heights. Once she had visited a skyscraper and it took ten minutes for her come within four feet of the glass windows. Looking out at the landscape in the distance didn’t bother her, but a single gaze down turned her to stone.

She dug her bare toes into the soft earth of the forest floor, reminding her speeding heart there was nothing to fear. All around her the forest was alive. She scanned the beauty around her until her eyes fell upon an item glimmering in the sunlight. As she approached the item she realized it was a mirror. Within the confines of this mirror was her reflection but there was something not quite right about it. The woman on the other side appeared to be taller and held herself with more confidence then she alone could ever muster. The deep green eyes of the woman drew her gaze. They were her eyes she was sure of it, but behind the physical similarities the other woman was intelligent and wise. It was as if she was staring not at herself, but at the person she dreamed of being.

It was more than a mere dream though, this other woman was her ideal. The person she could have become if the world was a tad less cruel. She forced her eyes away from the mirror. She wanted to see the beauty of the forest, the brilliant blue and white sky above and feel the fresh sunlight on her skin. She wanted peacefulness and serenity not the turmoil the past continually brought her. She spared a glance to see if the mirror had disappeared but it was still there. Only the woman inside was walking. As she focused more she could see other details she had not seen before stand out. The other woman who was her but not was walking through a busy coffee shop. Patrons were hurriedly going about their business but the woman navigated the chaos with ease, and confidence and a book clutched lightly between fingertips.

She could feel the stress and anxiety build inside of her and she closed her eyes. That could have been her if the world was a tad less cruel. No, the world would always be cruel. It wasn’t a matter of being dealt a better hand. It was about how she neglected the small everyday things and made rash decisions about larger life choices. Fear kept her solidified in the same place. It kept her from climbing tree’s and placing her forehead against the skyscrapers glass. It kept her from confronting everyday challenges and chipping away at the larger than life ones. Fear had kept her locked away.

She opened her eyes and the mirror was gone, replaced with an intricate painting of herself,  all the way down to her forest green eyes. She backed up and looked around. Amazing paintings of trees rose from the baseboard’s all the way to the ceiling where they met fluffy clouds drawn around the enclosure for fluorescent lights. The glimmer of glass caught her eye. It was a small window in the middle of the wall. Upon further inspection she discovered that it was, in reality, a door hidden behind the painting of a tree. She approached it and went to open it but realized there was something already in her hand. She looked down. Held tightly between her fingers was a paint brush. What she saw surprised her but not as much as what she didn’t see, a door knob.