1293

One thousand two hundred and ninety three suns have risen and set since I last saw her ocean blue eyes. It is an astonishing number and one I wish I could reset back to zero. I remember quite vividly the last time I saw her. If I had the skill of an artist I would paint every second of that day, if only to lose myself in her eyes one more time. The powers above played their Godly game and for a good laugh gave me the skills to write and dream. Neither does me any good when all I long for is to hold her in my arms again. No flowery phrases or accurate descriptions will allow me to run my fingers across her cheek or kiss her forehead.

One thousand two hundred and ninety four skies have been created but none have matched her shade of peaceful and loving blue. I regretfully had thoughts of taking my own life last night, just for the chance to see her. The weight of living for two is crushing my willpower to continue on. I don’t know how much longer I can carry on in a world without you. The day you came into my life, my past vanished and I could think of nothing else besides you. I planned for a lifetime with you. I dreamt about the adventures we were destined to have. I fantasized about the experiences we would share. I never factored in the possibility I would have to do it all alone.

One thousand two hundred and ninety five days have passed since I last heard the sweet honey melody of your voice. I am watching the sun rise from my secret spot. The one I would retreat to when I was a kid when life became too much to bear. I can’t help but to cry. You should be next to me darling, wrapping your arms around me in an attempt to stay warm despite the cool ocean breeze. You should be here asking me questions about when I was your age and I would tell you stories. I would tell you about all the stupid things I did when I was a kid. I would divulge my most embarrassing moments so that you could understand no one is perfect. I would describe the dangerous times when I was too daring and the lonely times when I was too cautious so that you could understand it is okay to feel. I would share all the stories of my youth with the secret hope you will find wisdom in my mistakes and misfortunes. All a parent truly wants is for their child to be happy and to feel loved. For that, I am sorry baby. Don’t worry sweetheart, daddy will be home soon.

One thousand two hundred and ninety six days …