Postage Due

Dear Friend,

It has been a long while since we have talked. I remember we used to spend more time with one another than without. You knew me better than myself once upon a time, yet I dare say things have changed. I am no longer the boy you once knew. Ten years have passed since you even laid eyes on me. However there was never a time when I called you anything but friend, to listening ears that is.

You were my best friend growing up. Well, one of my best friends. I say that because you were and yet there was always a part of me I tried to keep hidden. I am sure you knew about it, but you never said anything. In a way, that was one of the things I admired about you, about us. We always had each others back. When it came to playing football, or the random gossip which circled around the school, I always seconded what you said. Then came the day I betrayed you, except our views on this will differ.

The day I am referring to is when I moved. I promised to stay in touch, to contact you and never let our friendship die. I did. I failed you and lost everyone else. It is still hard to believe that one simple act can change things so dramatically. Believe me when I say, this is not me preaching my importance or taking all the blame. This is the simple truth of how life works. Every choice has its consequences and leads to different paths. Sometimes you can get back on the trail, other times it is best to forge a new one.

Had I known where our lives would be now, I would have made the same choice. For standing on the outside looking in on your life I am jealous. It seems like the dreams and aspirations you had when we were boys have come to fruition. You are in love with a beautiful girl, and the two of you are headed on a journey together. When I heard the news, I was extremely happy for you. It also made me miss the days when we were close. I always imagined I would be there, helping you prepare your proposal, and standing by your side when you exchanged vows.

Now my name stains the ink on your invitation card, all while you pray my reply will be lost in the mail. It is weird how times have changed. How the people you thought would always be by your side, aren’t. The pain, the guilt and the remorse I feel were great years and years ago. Now they live in my heart and soul as pieces of time I try not to remember.

I think the thing which torments me the most is the lack of any concrete evidence of how you feel. I have had minimal message from you, even less conversation on the phone, and not once have you mentioned that you still care. I have kept these thoughts at bay for fear of the floodgates they will open. Yet the key has been inserted, the gates are cracked.

In one way or another we have been in each others lives since we were five years old. My longest romantic relationship doesn’t compare when faced with that duration, but yours does. I knew you for almost thirteen years before you even met the Love of your life. To think that I have lost you is a thought I don’t wish to accept yet. How does one accept such a thing, the loss of a best friend?

From your old friend,

E.J.S